Are my 'why choose' books 'reverse harem'?

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The question of “is it reverse harem?” is one that I’ve seen pop up often in the past year. Every time I see the question, there are many answers that boil down to: yes, no, maybe? Because of this, I’m taking the time to explain what I think reverse harem is, and which of my books I feel fall into the subgenre.

A little background:

Over the years, I’ve learned (from social media, research, and my anime-loving son) that reverse harem in Eastern media usually (almost always) ends with the heroine choosing one love interest. (Poor girl). I’ll be talking about the Western media’s take on reverse harem, which, to be fair, is a growing and evolving genre.

In the past six years, I’ve also made a lot of personal discoveries. The kind that you know, but you don’t look too closely at. Upon closer inspection, I’m pansexual. I probably should’ve noticed when I was twelve and enjoyed kissing my friend (who was a girl). Don’t worry, I’m not going too deep into my personal life, but I will add that I’m also polyamorous.

When I started reading RH in 2017, very few books included MM within the harem. When I eventually found stories where two (or more) of the men also had a relationship, it didn’t bother me. If anything, it made sense—and if done well, could elevate the story.

Since the beginning of my experience with reverse harem, I’ve understood it to mean one woman with three or more love interests. That’s it. The default assumption has been that those love interests are male—but I say “default” intentionally. Societal norms (harmful as they can be) seep into reading in ways we don’t always notice. I used to default characters to white unless the author explicitly said otherwise (and reminded the reader throughout the book). That bias disappeared once I expanded my reading to include more books by Black and POC authors. Now I’m the opposite. Oh, he’s tan? Alright Jesse Williams, go on with your handsome, melanated self. (Though I always thought “tall, dark, and handsome” meant Idris.) I digress. 

When I was younger, I wrote stories constantly but never finished them. It wasn’t until 2019 (two years after falling in love with reverse harem) that I actually finished a book. My earliest works didn’t include same-sex relationships within the group, not because of a rule, but because my characters didn’t want them. And I’ve always felt like I take a back seat to my characters. (Also, my Snow White retelling featured brothers, and that’s not my jam.)

So what do I think reverse harem actually is?

In my opinion, RH is not defined by the exclusion of inter-partner intimacy. It’s defined by the narrative and relationship center, and the endgame structure.

The heroine is the center of any RH. It’s her story. Without her, there is no story. She is the glue in the relationship—the catalyst, the one they’ve been waiting for. She is considered first. When decisions are made, they’re made with her well-being in mind—and that’s considered to hold the utmost importance. Her partners would burn down the world for her (with her if that’s her thing). They are committed to her. She’s the main character with the most, if not all, of the POV chapters. This, to me, is what makes a book a reverse harem romance.

In my stand-alone novel, Blood Work, Tria takes a position as a blood donor to the Potenza Clan. The four vampire males have been together sexually, but only Savio and Oscar are in a relationship prior to Tria joining them. Her presence inspires Ramon to ask for more from the others. He doesn’t ask Tria for permission, but she’s indirectly a part of the ask and the answer. Their dynamic changes because of her. 

To those who argue, "that's polyam romance":

In my opinion, I’ve never read a polyam romance. I’ve read reverse harem books that include MM or FF, and I don’t believe those elements alone make a story polyamorous—because the heroine remains the narrative and relational center. Everything still orbits her. Some stories may straddle that line, but shared intimacy between partners does not automatically remove a book from the RH subgenre.

I have written polyamorous romance, though. The most notable example is woven into my reverse harem series beginning with “Wolf Born, Goddess Blessed”. The series itself is RH because it is Janine’s story. Even when Brander and Maro are together, Janine remains the narrative center. They will always take her feelings and well-being into account when making decisions. The bottom line is her happiness.

Fitcher’s storyline, however, is polyamorous. While he is a major narrative focus, second only to his sister, his relationship structure operates differently.

Here’s why his relationship is polyam and not a ‘traditional’ harem (minor spoilers):

– Fitcher is the narrative center, but he is not the sole relational axis.

– Cayden enters a quasi-relationship with a woman (later revealed to be Lucinda).

– Cayden then enters a separate relationship with Fitcher, eventually disclosing that there is another partner—and who that partner is.

– John Doe (placeholder to avoid a book four spoiler) and Lucinda form a quasi-relationship independent of Fitcher.

– While both John and Cayden have feelings for Fitcher, neither seeks his approval to be with Lucinda nor allows those feelings to dictate their engagement with her. They choose her irrespective of how it may affect his happiness—even when it jeopardizes their relationship with him.

Instead of the narrative center at the axis of the relationship, Fitcher is equal to the other three members in his polycule. It’s a bit of a constellation.

Are my books reverse harem?

Yes. (Excluding "She Will Be Bold" and "She Will Be Beautiful".)

At the end of the day, the discourse surrounding “is this RH?” will continue. Especially when you add “why choose” into the mix. I’ll quickly add that, to me, why choose covers any main character who has two or more love interests and doesn’t have to choose between them. I know that’s not the origin of the term (as it was RH authors looking to circumvent strict algorithms), but it’s started to carry that meaning—because definitions can and do evolve/shift.

Until there is a majority consensus, I'll indicate the romantic pairings in my author’s notes. You can usually tell from my blurbs anyway, but MFMM or MMFM will appear on my trope maps and in the description to avoid confusion.

Personally, I’m a reverse harem romance author, regardless if Ramon asks Savio for more.